In this latest podcast episode, number 34 in my series, we continue discussing the final section of my new parenting book which is the Q&A section of that book.
On the podcast however, before we dive into the 3rd question in the Q&A section, I did want to share two important philosophical points…
Firstly, I wanted to reinforce that these podcasts, which are free and are not commercialized, are my way of paying it forward. To me, knowledge is a gift that is meant to be shared. Whenever anyone was a teacher to me, I appreciated it tremendously, and while I don’t want to take on the role of “expert” as that is not empowering to anyone, I do have 30+ years of expertise that I believe has tremendous value. I’ve found a nice following for both my podcasts and my books, and that means a lot to me to know that whatever I can impart lands with an audience.
Secondly, I did want to mention something about the parent-child relationship. I had my two children when I was relatively young. I had my daughter at the age of 22 and I gave birth to a son paralyzed from the waist down when I was 24. I was always very close with my children, and it was important to me that we were not only family but that we were friends. However, I never let the boundary disappear between friendship and parenting. As much as I wanted to be friends with my kids, often
Finally on this podcast, I cover the third question in the Q&A section. The book we are referring to is my recently published parenting guide titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN which is intended to be a real “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers. As the title directly states, the book is all about creating and maintaining the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.
The parenting book offers up my “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children followed by a children’s picture book section that models a conversation and it wraps with a Q&A section of the book which is comprised of the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion).
Last week we reviewed the second question and its answer, and this week we’ve arrived at the THIRD question in that section of the book which is: What do I do when my child won’t listen to me?
Even though this pops us as question #3 in the book, this is the most commonly asked question, and the answer is yet another illustration of the power of frontloading. Once again, by setting up agreements and commitments with your children in advance and by making sure that they are agreements and commitments that are mutually decided upon by all stakeholders, you set up the parameters for that agreement including the consequences of not abiding to the desired commitment. If after making your agreements, your child doesn’t listen, your child will experience the consequence that was already established.
Additionally, you have the freedom to stop engaging. If you continue to engage with your child after your child exhibits a behavior of not listening to you, it becomes a power struggle. Once such a power struggle is activated, in a sense, everyone has lost, but at the same time, your child has a temporary victory because they have been able to get you to engage. If you set the stage whereby each member of the family is fully aware of their individual roles and their individual consequences when their actions don’t match their words, the already established consequence will be implemented. This will eliminate any need to have further discussion in the moment. Then, once the moment passes, a conversation inviting reflections on recent events needs to occur in a calm and peaceful manner. During this conversation, re-negotiation can transpire.
The next podcast will focus on the fourth question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that. In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening. You can hear Podcast 34 here:
And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:
As always, thanks for your interest.