Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep 44

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For podcast #44, I continued to take a break from my recent series of discussions about the Q&A section of my parenting book. If you’re new to my series, allow me to fill you about that book which is titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN. The book is a real “how to” for effective communication between adults and children. The book begins with my 10 Governing Principles for effective communication with children, and those simple and direct guidelines, when practiced regularly, will truly make a world of difference in how your message gets across to your child and how your bond can be solidified for life. The book also includes a short children’s picture book that demonstrates a model of how to communicate and why, and then the book concludes with a Q&A section where we answer the most frequently asked questions from parents. Not coincidentally, the answers to those questions are formed by practical application of the ten governing principles that open the book. We have been reviewing the Q&A on my podcast, one question and answer at a time, but I’ve digressed from that topic for several weeks in a row now, including on this podcast

This time around, I wanted to take the time to address a question that came up while meeting with a young parent recently and the question was… how do we as parents, or caretakers, not put our “stuff” on our children. In other words, if I have a short fuse, how do I create an environment for my child where that isn’t exemplified? If I have a fear of swimming, how do I promote a healthy space for my child to not be intimidated by the challenges of learning to swim and in fact to learn to thrive in that environment? Do I turn to an alternate caretaker to take my place in those situations? How do I not allow my nervousness to impact the child? These are just examples, but the question really is… HOW DO I NOT ALLOW MY LIMITATIONS TO LIMIT MY CHILD?

Step one is to recognize the limitation. An adult can point out their own thoughts and feelings about nervousness or risk… owning it is so important. Then, recognition of the child’s strength is also very important. If they aren’t nervous, tell them how great that is. Parents and educators who are thoughtful and respectful and don’t do anything around children to make the child feel less free are doing the right thing. Enjoy what they do well and reinforce the gifts that accomplishments by your child really are.

More than likely, I will get back into the conversation that we’ve been having about the content of my recently published parenting guide on the next podcast, and that will be focused on the 10th question in the Q&A section of my book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that. In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.

You can hear Podcast 44 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-44/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep 42

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For podcast #42, once again I decided to hold off on continuing the discussion of the Q&A section of my parenting book.  That book is titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN.  There are two more questions and answers to discuss on this podcast series… question 10 of the top ten most frequently asked questions by parents, and bonus question #11.  I will get to those items soon, but again, for this episode, I decided to share a few thoughts that were currently top of mind.  In fact, two things happened recently to me recently related to my work and I decided to share my reaction to those events as the subject matter on this podcast.

Firstly, I feel compelled to share the story of a young child who I met at an event who has been reading my children’s picture books for social and emotional learning.  I had not met him before… he only knew me as the character in my books.  When the child met the real life “Min Min,” he was enthralled.  He asked about Olivia, the other “star” of the book series, and he wanted to meet her as well.  It was a very gratifying and validating moment to know that the material that I’m sharing that I feel is so important really does has the kind of impact that I am intending for children, for families and for educators.  I say this not from an ego point of view, but from the point of view promoting humanity.

Secondly, I wanted to share that I came across a negative review of one of my books on Amazon, a review where one of my simplest books was critiqued as “too advanced” for young children.  Earlier in my career, I would have been defensive about something that I saw as critical.  Instead, I saw this as an eye-opening experience because it was a reminder that my ability to communicate with young children is so uncommon that it can be perceived as over the heads of youngsters when in fact, young children understand my words implicitly.  After 30 years of teaching young children about life, I have a knack for communicating with children.  I am completely honest with young children, and they sense that.  For the adult who felt the material was too advanced for their child, I would say read it to your child, maybe 2 or 3 times, and see if they don’t comprehend.  All of my books model the exact way in which I communicate respectfully and honestly with children and children always seem to respond.  Yes, the way I present content is unusual TO GROWN-UPS, but children get it, and I’m thrilled that I have a chance on my podcast to address this and explain how the directness and the clarity of my material works for children.

More than likely, I will get back into the conversation that we’ve been having about the content of my recently published parenting guide in this podcast series soon… that’s when I will address the 10th question in the Q&A section of my book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 42 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-42/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 41

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For podcast #41, I decided to take a break from my recent series of discussions about the Q&A section of my parenting book.  That book is titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN, and I truly appreciate all of the positive feedback on both the book and our podcast discussions about its content, but again, for this episode, I decided to share something different.

I am currently working on expanding the reach of my social-emotional learning efforts and expanding the reach of the content of my children’s picture books, and to that end, I am working on a video project for television or a streaming service.  That project is just in its early stages, but I did create a video for my prospective partners in which I talked a bit about my work, and for this podcast, I decided to simply share the audio of that video.  The audio is a little off-microphone and not the studio quality that you’re used to hearing on my podcasts because we shot the video informally on an iPhone, but I felt that the message that’s presented in that short video is so indicative of my work, that I felt strongly about sharing that audio with you.  It’s short, roughly 4 minutes, but it’s a nice peek inside some of the thought processes that go into my current projects that you see on www.learnwithmeremotely.com.

More than likely, I will get back into the conversation that we’ve been having about the content of my recently published parenting guide on the next podcast, and that will be focused on the 10th question in the Q&A section of my book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.

You can hear Podcast 41 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-41/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep 40

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During podcast #40 in my series, the focus was on the 9th question found in the Q&A section of my parenting book titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN.  The book is absolutely designed as a “how to” for parents, family members or teachers who are looking for the best path to clear and successful communication with a child or children.  While this is technically my first parenting book, all of the children’s picture books that I created are parenting books in that they all touch upon social and emotional learning issues.

The way the parenting/communication guide is structured, there is an opening section that outlines my “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children.  That’s followed by a middle section which is actually a short children’s picture book modeled after the 60+ other children’s stories that I’ve released in the past year that all serve to aid in social and emotional growth for children.  In this book, since it’s a book about communication, the picture book section is actually a model conversation that demonstrates exactly the kind of adult -child communication that I am recommending in the book.  The final section of the parenting book is a detailed Q&A section which presents the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion), and it’s that Q&A section of that book that we have been covering in my recent podcasts. 

In this podcast #40, before getting into that 9th question from the Q&A section, I did share how grateful and exciting I am about a new project that I am working on and that is the creation of a show that is intended to discuss the social-emotional issues in my books.  The reason I bring this up is not to discuss that project (yet) but just to offer the advice to not give up.  I spent 30 years teaching in a place that was never completely welcoming to me.  I had countless gratifying moments as a teacher and made many, many friends of my peers, my students and their parents, but still, I was a fish out of water in that school system. Now, I feel led to the perfect place for me, and because my current projects are such a perfect fit, it has the feeling of being effortless. I just wanted to share that and encourage you to follow your dreams as well and to do so by what I call “right action.”

Then we take a deeper dive into 8th question from that Q&A and that is… “Can you address internal versus external rewards and reinforcement?”  I love this question.  Parents shape their children’s world and their path, and once upon a time I had a negative connotation about manipulation.  At some point, that changed for me when I realized that we need to shape the behaviors we want from our children and prevent the behavior we don’t want.  This can be accomplished by a reward system, and a reward can be material or just encouragement.  The reward, however, will go away at some point, and what you really want to teach your child is that the action or the learning or the mastery of something in and of itself is the goal and the greatest reward.  As soon as possible, I encourage rewards to be eliminated so that the result IS the reward.

Don’t be afraid to talk candidly with your child about your value system and how the reward system is going to go.  If you always give a reward for an accomplishment, your child will grow up always expecting a reward for anything they do.  Again, I want the child’s experience in and of itself to be the reward.

The next podcast will focus on the 10th question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 40 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-40/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 39

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For the 39th podcast in my series, I took a deeper dive into the 8th question found in the Q&A section of my relatively new parenting book titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN.  The book delivers a real “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers in that it directly lays out a clear and successful set of guidelines or principles for great parent-child communication.  This is my first parenting book, by the way, although in many regards, all of the children’s picture books that I created are parenting books as they all touch upon social and emotional learning issues.

The way that my communication guide for parents is structured, there is an opening section that outlines what I call the “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children.  That’s followed by a middle section which is actually a short children’s picture book modeled after the 60+ other children’s stories that I’ve released in the past year that all serve to aid in social and emotional growth for children.  In this book, since it’s a book about communication, the picture book section is intended to be a model for a parent-child conversation. Then the book ends with a detailed Q&A section which presents the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion), and it’s that Q&A section of that book that we are currently discussing in my recent podcasts. 

In this podcast #39, before getting into that 8th question from the Q&A section of the parenting book, I did take a moment in the podcast to reflect on a recent family visit and how it reminded me that a life well-lived is a life full of love.  There are just some things in the world that you just need to be present for to enjoy, and the giving and receiving of familial love is one of those elements of life that we just need to be present to and present for.

Then we take a deeper dive into 8th question from that Q&A and that is… “Can you explain punishment versus natural consequences?”  Firstly, if you listen to the phrase “natural consequences,” it even sounds more positive than negative.  I do believe that in raising or educating children that the punishment fits the crime.  When I was a teacher, if the children in my classroom behaved positively, there would be a positive experience and if the children behaved negatively, we had a negative experience.   I would tell my children the truth and that includes the fact that I am both the most playful adult they will ever meet as well as the most serious adult they will ever meet.  Their behaviors would inform me how to behave and lead the group.

I never want children to do the right thing out of fear… I want children to learn what the right thing is and do it because it is gratifying to do so.  Children have a limited amount of attention, and I never want a child’s attention to lead them to fear-based behavior.  The natural consequence should lead to the learning lesson of the moment.  If a child forgets their sneakers for gym class, they will learn via the natural consequence of not being able to participate.  If you pre-agree on a dinner menu with your child and then they refuse to eat what is prepared, they just might go to bed without dinner, and that natural consequence will serve to avoid that same scenario in the future.

The next podcast will focus on the 9th question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 39 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-39/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 38

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I recently posted the 38th podcast episode in my series titled Teaching Humanity Remotely, and during that podcast we continued the discussion about the final section of my new parenting book which is called I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN. The book is a true “how to” book for parents, family members and teachers, and the entire function of the book is to lay out the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.  The way this parenting book is structured, there is an opening section that outlines what I call the “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children.  That’s followed by a middle section which is actually a short children’s picture book modeled after the 60+ other children’s stories that I’ve released in the past year that all serve to aid in social and emotional growth for children.  In this book, since it’s a book about communication, the picture book section is intended to be a model for a parent-child conversation. Then the book ends with a detailed Q&A section which presents the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion), and it’s that Q&A section of that book that we are currently discussing in my recent podcasts. 

Before getting into the 7th question from the Q&A section of the parenting book, I did take a moment in the podcast to mark the difference between BEING and DOING.  Obviously, we all have lots of tasks and chores throughout our day, and that’s all about the “doing.”  But something we should all be aware of is just “being,” and that means to not always have an end result or a reward system set up for our children.  It also means that it’s ok to model just resting.  It’s important to demonstrate that we don’t always have to have a quest and that simply spending down time with family and getting joy and contentment from that down time is a reward in and of itself… that’s the “just being.”

In the podcast, we then take a deeper dive into seventh question from that Q&A and that is… “How can I teach my child how to share?”  One clear answer to that question is for parents, family members or teachers to model sharing, and when doing it, mark it and note it.  Have a conversation about the positive behavior you want your child to demonstrate.  We absolutely socialize our children to be the way they are… the way YOU behave becomes a model for your children who are watching and copying what you do.

Taking turns is another way of sharing.  If you can teach your child to master skills such as sharing and taking turns, that’s a value system that will enable your child to get along better with other children and with everyone in general.

The next podcast will focus on the 8th question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 38 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-38/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 37

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In the 37th podcast episode in my series titled Teaching Humanity Remotely, we continue discussing the final section of my new parenting book.  In case you’re not familiar, my recently published parenting guide is titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN, and the book is absolutely intended to be a handy and useful “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers.  As indicated by the book’s title, it’s all about creating and maintaining the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.  The opening section of the parenting book is comprised of what I call the “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children. There is a middle section of the book that is actually a short children’s picture book that is intended to be a model for a parent-child conversation. Then the book ends with a detailed Q&A section which presents the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion), and it’s that Q&A section of that book that we are currently discussing in my recent podcasts. 

We have been reviewing the questions and answers of the Q&A section of the book one question at a time, week after week.  This week, we take a deeper dive into sixth question from that Q&A and that is… “What do I do if my child won’t eat the food that I serve?”  One aspect of this question is that it leads us back once again to the notion of FRONT-LOADING.  Many, many aspects of parent-child communication and many of the exchanges that cause problems can be resolved before they happen by having prior agreements. Mealtime is no exception. Parents are busier than ever, and prior agreements about almost everything can resolve issues before they arise.  Using dinner time as an example, if there is an agreement regarding what’s for dinner agreed upon in advance, and then your child changes their mind, you cannot give in regarding that prior agreement.  Engaging is a losing proposition for you.  Also, if there is a deviation by your child and they refuse to eat the food that was agreed upon in advance, then a natural consequence is in order, and that natural consequence is going to bed without dinner.  That may seem like a drastic or dramatic scenario, and it is a painful scenario to both recommend and to execute, but if that natural consequence is enforced once with a child, the natural consequence will make certain that it won’t happen again.

There is also a segment of this podcast that talks quite a bit about giving responsibility to a child and what that means for both the child’s self-image and for the mutual respect that you will earn between you and your child.

The next podcast will focus on the 7th question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 37 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-37/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 36

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In this latest podcast episode, number 36 in my series, we continue discussing the final section of my new parenting book which is the Q&A section of that book.  This podcast focuses on Question #5 in that section, and info about that particular question and its answer is below, but first, I wanted to share a thought.

Personally, I am very big on the concept of championing others.   If you think about how you feel when someone champions and supports you, you would probably say that makes you feel proud, uplifted, fulfilled, etc.  So, imagine how it feels to do that to others, especially to children.  When I was a teacher, I had very strong relationships with my students and had effective communication with them as a result, but one of the key building blocks of that strong relationship was that the kids were always championed by me for one reason or another.  As a result, the students always knew that I had their back, and that enabled them to have a level of trust and admiration for me that served to make the relationship and the communication we had be as clear and effective as possible.  I also wanted to say that I have a number of friends both personal and professional who continue to champion me in my efforts, and I am eternally grateful for that support.

Back to the book… the book we are referring to is my recently published parenting guide titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN which is intended to be a real “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers.  As the title directly states, the book is all about creating and maintaining the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.  The parenting book offers up my “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children followed by a children’s picture book section that models a conversation and it wraps with a Q&A section of the book which is comprised of the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion).

Last week we reviewed the fourth question and its answer, and this week we’ve arrived at the FIFTH question in that section of the book which is:  “What do I do with my children who always want to talk when I am uncomfortable talking because I don’t know what to say?”   I love the honesty of this question, and it brings up a number of aspects of parenting and parent-child communication that are important to explore.

One thing to keep in mind is that we are all different.  Some of us are natural extroverts while others are the opposite.  It is important that you recognize the personality traits of your child and work within their personality range.

Another important piece of the answer to this question above is that you may want to share your own vulnerability with your child.  By being honest and showing your child that you may not have all the answers and that you are also a learner as you go through life, it will not only bring you and your child closer together because you share the feeling of vulnerability, but it will also inspire your child to continue to be a learner themselves.

One caveat regarding this honest communication with your child is to never offer up a point of view that places burden on your child.  For example, if you are not getting along with your mate, you should not share that with you child in a way that burden the child with information or potential decision-making related to your own stress.

Finally, there is professional help for situations where you have subject matter that your child wants to discuss that is uncomfortable for you.  As with other aspects of your honest communication with you child, sharing your vulnerability and involving the child in this process will earn you respect and bring you and your child ever closer together.

The next podcast will focus on the sixth question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 36 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-36/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 35

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In this latest podcast episode, number 35 in my series, we continue discussing the final section of my new parenting book which is the Q&A section of that book.  This podcast focuses on Question #4 in that section, and info about that is as follows…

The book we are referring to is my recently published parenting guide titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN which is intended to be a real “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers.  As the title directly states, the book is all about creating and maintaining the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.  The parenting book offers up my “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children followed by a children’s picture book section that models a conversation and it wraps with a Q&A section of the book which is comprised of the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion).

Last week we reviewed the third question and its answer, and this week we’ve arrived at the FOURTH question in that section of the book which is:  “How can I get my child to talk when my child never wants to tell me how they feel?”  As it happens, the answer lies in having the sensitivity to understand that not everyone approaches life with the same penchant, temperament or skill level when it comes to verbal communication.  We have to honor the fact that different children have different skill sets when it comes to verbal communication and also modeling how to initiate potentially sensitive conversations.  In the podcast and in the book, I outline various approaches that can solve this dilemma, most of which involve modeling by the parent so that the child can follow suit.  Game-play with words and feelings can be a fantastic strategy, in other words you can play a game where you share how a particular event made you feel.  If the parent goes first, then the parent is modeling what to say or how to say it.  If the game catches on, you may find that your child wants to play the game and actually speak first, and that’s when you know that you’ve broken through successfully in encouraging a quiet child to speak.  It’s also okay to reinforce that quiet time and being quiet is okay, but that there are times when communication is important.  Again, modeling by the parent is essential.

The next podcast will focus on the fifth question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 35 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-35/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

 

 

Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw – Podcast Ep. 34

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In this latest podcast episode, number 34 in my series, we continue discussing the final section of my new parenting book which is the Q&A section of that book. 

On the podcast however, before we dive into the 3rd question in the Q&A section, I did want to share two important philosophical points…

Firstly, I wanted to reinforce that these podcasts, which are free and are not commercialized, are my way of paying it forward.  To me, knowledge is a gift that is meant to be shared. Whenever anyone was a teacher to me, I appreciated it tremendously, and while I don’t want to take on the role of “expert” as that is not empowering to anyone, I do have 30+ years of expertise that I believe has tremendous value. I’ve found a nice following for both my podcasts and my books, and that means a lot to me to know that whatever I can impart lands with an audience.

Secondly, I did want to mention something about the parent-child relationship. I had my two children when I was relatively young.  I had my daughter at the age of 22 and I gave birth to a son paralyzed from the waist down when I was 24. I was always very close with my children, and it was important to me that we were not only family but that we were friends. However, I never let the boundary disappear between friendship and parenting. As much as I wanted to be friends with my kids, often

Finally on this podcast, I cover the third question in the Q&A section.  The book we are referring to is my recently published parenting guide titled I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK TO ME… A PARENT’S GUIDE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN which is intended to be a real “how to” book for parents, family members or teachers.  As the title directly states, the book is all about creating and maintaining the clearest possible model for parent-child communication.

The parenting book offers up my “10 Governing Principles” for communicating with children followed by a children’s picture book section that models a conversation and it wraps with a Q&A section of the book which is comprised of the TEN MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS (plus one bonus 11thquestion).

Last week we reviewed the second question and its answer, and this week we’ve arrived at the THIRD question in that section of the book which is: What do I do when my child won’t listen to me?

Even though this pops us as question #3 in the book, this is the most commonly asked question, and the answer is yet another illustration of the power of frontloading. Once again, by setting up agreements and commitments with your children in advance and by making sure that they are agreements and commitments that are mutually decided upon by all stakeholders, you set up the parameters for that agreement including the consequences of not abiding to the desired commitment. If after making your agreements, your child doesn’t listen, your child will experience the consequence that was already established.

Additionally, you have the freedom to stop engaging. If you continue to engage with your child after your child exhibits a behavior of not listening to you, it becomes a power struggle. Once such a power struggle is activated, in a sense, everyone has lost, but at the same time, your child has a temporary victory because they have been able to get you to engage. If you set the stage whereby each member of the family is fully aware of their individual roles and their individual consequences when their actions don’t match their words, the already established consequence will be implemented.  This will eliminate any need to have further discussion in the moment. Then, once the moment passes, a conversation inviting reflections on recent events needs to occur in a calm and peaceful manner. During this conversation, re-negotiation can transpire.

The next podcast will focus on the fourth question in the Q&A section of the book about effective communication with children, so please stay tuned for that.  In the meantime, thanks for visiting and for listening.  You can hear Podcast 34 here:

https://learnwithmeremotely.podbean.com/e/teaching-humanity-remotely-with-dr-mindy-shaw-ep-34/

And you can find the parenting guide on Amazon right here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WJRX7JF

As always, thanks for your interest.